I'm staring at the cold, polished stone. The stone inscribed with the words that make it final. Those cruel words that remind me of what happened just weeks before...
I refuse to break down again, though, as I stand there. I don't want to be like that, but finally, I break. I can't hold in the tears that have been threatening to spill for the better part of ten minutes. The hot tears pour down my cheeks as the words sink in for seemed like the thousandth time.
"Why? Why did you have to... leave me... like this?" I ask, gasping for breath that won't come. "You should... be right here... n-n-now...y-you sh-shouldn't have l-left!"
Standing here on this beautiful June morning, as the sun shines brightly and birds sing sweet songs, I wait for the answer that I know will never come.
After a while of standing in front of your grave, I finally sit down next to the headstone; I want to talk to you in the solitude of the moment, so I decide to take my chance.
"I'm done crying now," I say softly. "I just wanted to tell you about... the beginning of... the school year. You always asked and... you deserve to know... even if it is..." My throat catches on the words 'too late'. I don't want to admit that I could have just told you about this so much earlier, especially when the question came up so often, but I'd never thought it was that important until now.... Until you were gone.
Okay. It was kinda hard for me to put this up here, so when you all critique it, please be nice. I'm not saying sugar coat it, but if there is criticism, then try to be nice. I'm very self-critical. So it would be appreciated much if you would comment and tell me how you like it. (In a nice way. I feel demanding.)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
You are not demanding. I'm demanding. If you know me, you know demanding. And you are not that.
Anyway... that peek... was amazing. It made seriously, seriously want to read the rest of your story, and the emotion was so... there, that I could almost feel through the character. :'( Really well-written.
And *hugs* Don't be too hard on yourself. We are our own worse critics, but honestly, you underestimate the awesomeness of your writing.
And Happy Easter!
That is very true. I'm sorry. ^^'
Thank you. I still might have a little tweaking to do before I'm ready to say that I'm totally happy with it, but for right now, I really do like my prologue.
I cannot possibly be easy on myself. I try to look at it from a critic's point of view, and that makes it almost impossible to be easy on myself. Although I do also try to look at it from author's point of view, and I still judge myself harshly... I guess that's just the way I am, and that might be a reason why I quit writing all my fanfiction.
Happy Easter!
Awww, Leah...
But, I just have to say, and I'm not saying this about you, I just think that most critics suck. Because that's what they do--critique. Try to find what ISN'T good about a piece of writing/media/whatever/etc. and usually, they might miss the good in it. And you really need to see what's GOOD in your writing too.
Becuase, obviously, your readers think your writing is good. Especialy from what you told me about your FF.net fics and replies.
Heh... I just need to let go.
I'm like, really contradictory to myself, because I hate being orderly and uptight, but when it comes to my writing, I really become uptight, and I just need to let loose. I need to relax more... but it's going to be hard.
Well mango flower, as long as you do what you did to make this prolougue, you'll be fine.
I got a little feel of "Walk Two Moons" in this. Which over all was a bad book in my opinion. But that was only because "Walk Two Moons" had Pheoby Winterbottom, a character that made you want to give yourself a new whole in your head. So you had all of the good drama stuff. And while that isn't intirely my cup of tea, it's easy to see you did a very good job with it. The only thing I didn't like was your time frame. It took the girl two weeks to be able to visit his grave? Now you either have to go lower or higher on this. Like normal amount of time, or out rageous amount of time. Like, say it happened around the start of the school year, and she finally starts telling random dead person 599 at the start of summer.
In the end I liked it, good job Lea!
Thank you all for your comments!
Nathaniel, I'm sorry for not making it clear in my prologue, but there was an... accident, and she got injured as well, so this would be the first time she's gone to visit, because she's just been released from the hospital.
Woo!!!
Dand, I didn;t check your blog and I miss 2 posts!!! >:X
Post a Comment