So sorry I haven't put much up lately. I'll try to post more.
I GOT A FERRET! I got him the day before Memorial Day, and he's only about 9 weeks old. We named him Chaos. He's adorable. I love him. It's fun to cuddle with him, and play with him. I wish I could show you all a picture.
OK. It might not seem like it to you guys, but I have a really hard time socializing with people my own age.
Brenden's brother is graduating this year, so his open house is today (5-30), and I went over to congratulate him. Well, Brenden was there, along with Guy, Jordan, and two girls from our school. I went over to hang out with them, and we went to Jordan's brother's open house.
I said maybe 5 words to Guy, and 5 to Brenden. The girls-- B1 and B2-- I'm not really friends with. We hang out with different crowds. I'm more with the semi- to not really popular people, and B1 and B2 are with the popular people.
The person I talked to the most was Jordan's dad. And it was about Chaos. Honestly... I just can't really get the hang of talking to people my age who I haven't been friends with for a while.
It's not that I don't like anyone in that group, it's just that I feel so out of place. I can't make myself connect to them.
I know it sounds weird, because I got to trust you and talk with you all so easily, but if we met in real life, and I'd had almost no past experience with you, I would just stand there, unless you made conversation.
I've met so many of my friends through other friends, that frankly, it's kind of pathetic.
Between the 2 open houses, I wasn't there for even a 1/2 hour. I came home and snuck into the basement so my brothers wouldn't see my crying in my pathetic, lonely state. It took a ton for me to come upstairs when I thought they left, and I had to actually look down toward Brenden's house to make sure.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, typing up this blog as I watch people mingle at Brenden's. I wonder how it's so easy for some people to just sit there and talk. How it's so easy for people who have never met to be able to have a nice chat, because they've been brought together by someone else.
And I think it's really unfair that I'm sitting up in my room moping, because this day isn't supposed to be about me being sad... it's supposed to be about celebrating people's graduation.
I want to go back there, but that would be admitting that I left early, and I'm so afraid that they would see right through me. See that I feel crappy for leaving, for not being able to talk. See that I'm so ready to cry again, which I'm starting to do again. I don't want to ruin people's day by going down there, because everyone knows when I'm sad. Even if I put on a happy face, they can see right through me. And I don't want to do that to them when this day is about the graduates. But I don't want to stay locked in my room, staring at everyone who's probably having fun.
Please guys, can you tell me how to open up? I know I can do it on the internet if I'm sitting here spilling my guts... but I don't know why I can't do it when people can actually see me.
Right now (3:18 pm) there's 40 minutes left of the open house. I sooo want to go back... but I just don't think I can. It would be me admitting to so many people my hugest character flaw. The flaw that disables me from making more friends... but I just feel like such a misfit compared to so many of them.
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13 comments:
You are not a misfit. You are amazing.
And you know what? I met you and Montana through "Rose", and by that, I've made two of my best and closest friends in the entire world. It's okay to have friends made through other friends.
I think you need to have more confidence in yourself. It's not something you can push, but... you just have to build yourself up. Know that you can make more friends. Open up the way you do here with us to other people. Just... let yourself out a little. Little by little. Like the baby-steps for math, do it with socializing. If it makes it easier for you to meet with someone through a mutual friend, I say do it. It's not pathetic at all. It's definitely worked for me.
Find something to talk about with people, something you have in common. Like the kind of music you listen to. Or even just start complaining about a teacher or something. Whatever makes you relate to the person, grab onto that, and you might find other things to talk about through it. Good conversations to me, start with one thing and tumble into other things that might be more important or just help you and the other person open to each other.
I know you can do this, Leah. Pray about it too. You always have someOne there for you. And I'm here too.
*hugs* I love ya like a sister, Leah. :)
~Aly
I know... but... I don't know...
Meh. I have nothing.
Let us talk out loud now. Heheheh. B-)
Nice job on posting that twice.
Bleeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhh. xP
Lol. Nice, Aly... very nice.
Leah, I met both you and Aly through Alix, and that's how I came across two of the coolest girls in the world.
You'll be great at socializing once you give it your all. Your an awesome person Leah. You don't even need to agree with somebody get into an argument, spout out random ideas. Blurt out how you got married to Lex Gabrikyrine style!
You can do this Leah, hold your head high, and hold courage in your heart, and then talk about your favorite thing to spread on toast. Or talk about hats.
Give it your all and you can say you tried. This is of course for future reference.
Nattie, you will be shot for your married-to-Lex references... just for a warning. xD Heheh.
And yeah, Leah, you can just blurt out random stuff, too. Just socialize how you feel you want to, and try your best. :) *huggle* Remember that girl from the concert? It's just like that. :)
No, not shot. That one would be too obvious. As of right now, I'm flattening you with a steamroller.
I think I could tell them all about my CRUEL AND UNUSUAL FRIENDS! *kidding* I love you guys, even though you pick on me... a lot.
Ferrets FTW!
To open up you just gotta do it!!! Don't think about it because you'll get paranoid! Just do it!!! Go go go go go!!!
(word verification: can giver. does anyone really do that?)
I love my ferret! *cuddles Chaos*
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